December 29th, 2010 Posted in Psychology, Uncategorized
So what does it mean to be a “grown up”?
I’m going to be 34 soon, and it’s got me thinking about what being grown up means to me. It’s easy to know when someone isn’t acting in a grown up way, but I found it much harder to get an idea of what that actually involves. It’s not age. It’s not how much stuff I have managed to acquire. It’s not having a kid, or getting a mortgage.
Traditionally, being grown up meant leaving the parental home, getting a job so you were financially independent, getting married and raising a family. Things have changed – jobs are no longer for life and marriage is less important to a lot of people. So what is left?
From an afternoon reading various websites (studiously avoiding Yahoo Answers…) I have the following shortlist as markers of what I consider to be a grown up:
- Being financially independent – not on the dole or sponging off parents/partner/friends
- Ability to look after myself – cooking, cleaning, washing etc
- Emotional maturity – to identify and use emotions constructively, accept them and not be dragged around by them
- Interdependent relationships based on mutual respect and friendship rather than dependency
- Doing what needs to be done as well as what I want to do
- Taking responsibility for my behaviour and the consequences – this includes not whining about things I can change or blaming others for things I have chosen.
Curiously, I am doing OK with this list but still don’t feel like I have grown up! I met some of Beth’s friend’s parents last week and they all seemed like grown ups to me as they are of the previous generation. So is it more of a personality difference than something everyone hopefully achieves at some point? My next door neighbour is married with a career, mortgage and grown children, yet he is still flippant and playful. Maybe I will never feel grown up…